Eulogy for Ruth Yaffee – Rabbi Chai Levy Less than three weeks ago, we sat here together, and sadly, the time has come again to say goodbye. When we say goodbye to Ruth Yaffee, we say goodbye not only to a friend, to a mother, to a grandmother, but we also say goodbye to a generation, to an era. We feel the sadness in our hearts, and we also feel the shift of the generations, as young people become the new elders. We acknowledge the pain of daughters losing both parents in such as short period of time, of grandchildren and friends finding a void in their lives where there had been such vitality. We accept the truth of this harsh reality with these words: Baruch Dayan Haemet Ben Sira, an ancient book of wisdom that was not included in the Hebrew Bible, is often quoted by the rabbis. Ben Sira said: We are all destined to die. We share it with all who ever lived, with all who ever will be. Cry for the dead, hide not your grief, do not restrain your mourning, but remember that continuing sorrow is worse than death. When the dead are at rest, let their memory be a source of peace, and be consoled when the soul departs… As a drop of water in the sea, as a grain of sand on the shore are our few days in eternity. The good things in life last for a short time, but a good reputation endures forever. Ruth Yaffee was born in the Bronx in 1913. Her childhood was not easy. Her mother died of breast cancer when Ruth was only 3 years old, and she and her brother were raised by their cousins, wearing second hand clothes and shoes that didn’t fit. From an early age, Ruth was always smart and an excellent student. She was offered a scholarship to Cornell, but the uncles who raised her wouldn’t pay the difference of the tuition, so instead of going to Cornell, she stayed with them in Troy, New York and took the street car to Albany State Teachers College. As it turned out, that was where she met Harry, so it worked out to be not such a bad school for her after all. In college, Ruth majored in Latin and wanted to be a Latin teacher, but the Depression changed things. In 1934, she went to Washington, DC to get a job, becoming a statistical clerk for the Department of Agriculture. Independently, Harry had also gone to DC seeking work, and Ruth looked him up, as she explained to me a few weeks ago, calling all of the Yaffees in the phone book. She didn’t find Harry because he didn’t have a phone, but she found his brother, Simon, who left a note on Harry’s car saying Ruth Finkelstein’s in town. Harry helped Ruth find a place to live and started including her in his adventures, as he would for the rest of their lives. Harry was the wilder one, Ruth the more careful one, as you can imagine – he took her horseback riding and dancing. When Harry began dating Ruth, his mother reportedly told him, “You behave yourself. She’s a nice girl.” A year and a half later, they were married. Ruth and Harry lived in the DC area until 1955, where their daughters Judy and Susan were born. Having been raised without parents wearing other people’s children’s hand-me-downs, Ruth wouldn’t take hand-me-downs for Judy until she told her mom that she actually liked cousin Freya’s clothes. Until the girls were older, Ruth was mostly a stay-at-home mom. The house was always very orderly and clean, and Ruth was always there for her children, baking cookies with them, inviting the neighborhood kids over – one time, to watch their cat give birth to kittens. See, learning and education was always very important to Ruth. If she didn’t know how to do something, she’d learn it. Judy was very tiny and the dresses for girls her age didn’t fit her, so Ruth learned to sew to make her dresses. Because Harry was so involved in the synagogue, Ruth learned Hebrew. Ruth had a pretty Reform Jewish background, so she’d attend Torah study to increase her knowledge. She loved learning, was a great student. She got certified to be a pre-school teacher and worked at the JCC in San Rafael when they moved to California. Before that, Ruth also worked as a bookkeeper in Maryland and was a girl scout leader. During their years in Guam, Ruth worked in the Federal Government office and volunteered in the hospital. Ruth’s sharp mind and love of learning continued into her older years. She’d often ask her grandchildren about what they were learning, and even in her 90’s she was selected for a study to see how seniors could keep their minds sharp through computer games. But Ruth had never touched a computer before, so she learned how to use one. She enjoyed the challenge of learning new things. When Ruth got married, she didn’t know how to cook, but she would say: “if you can read, you can cook.” So she read cookbooks and learned to be a wonderful cook.  Lunch was at noon, and dinner was at 6; there were always 3 courses and fancy desserts. In fact, many people here still use Ruth’s recipes: her zucchini bread, zucchini frittata, and her apple pie are among the favorites. She loved to entertain and to have company over for barbeques. Ruth was a great bridge player and an avid reader. She loved poetry and plays. She enjoyed music, and loved attending the Marin Symphony and going to the opera with Betty Freudman. She loved to do Crosswords puzzles – she was a master of the New York Times Crossword puzzle, which is no small feat. And fortunately, Ruth stayed sharp until the end of her life. Ruth was clearly a bright woman with a love of learning, but beyond her mind was her heart.  Ruth was kind and warm, accepting and nonjudgmental.  She was understanding and a good listener.  She never complained and got along with everyone - When the girls would argue with Harry, they’d go to mom to intercede. In addition to being a loving grandmother to Jessica and Noah, Sarah, and Sebastyan, she adopted other people’s children and grandchildren, attending grandparents’ day at Brandeis when the Kurland kids’ own grandparents couldn’t attend. She was a caring friend and she gave great advice, and, according to Tessa, she was always right. She was young at heart, and although she was much older in years, she was the close friend and contemporary of so many in this community who will miss her terribly. And being married to Harry, she was a trooper and a great sport. Without Harry, she wouldn’t have had such an adventurous life, and she appreciated him and their many travels around the world in their camper. They played a lot in their lives, and she loved it. And, as Jessica put it, she kept grandpa in line, which also certainly kept her active and sharp. One time, when Ruth was already in her 80’s, Harry and Jessica went for a walk across the Golden Gate Bridge, but didn’t come back soon enough for Ruth’s liking, so she got up and marched across that bridge to find them and bring them back. She went for hikes with Harry and always seemed to get a good giggle and a loving smile from Harry’s various antics. Just recently, when asked the secret of staying married for 70 years, Ruth thought for a moment and responded with these words of wisdom: pay attention to about half of what they say! I don’t know whether she was joking or not, but Ruth apparently couldn’t live without hearing half of what Harry had to say. While Harry was alive, she wanted to stay alive, despite health problems. It’s hard, if not impossible, to separate two souls who have been linked together for 70 years, maybe more. As the lover says to her beloved in the Song of Songs, “let me be a seal upon your heart, like the seal upon your hand, ki aza cha’mavet ahava, for love is strong as death.” Ruth’s love for Harry was as strong as death, and she joins him in Olam HaBa, in the heavenly world of the spirit, where their souls will continue to dance together as they danced together on earth. I don’t of course know what souls do in Olam HaBa, but somehow I imagine that Ruth is joining Harry now in his adventures, and in love and peace they will continue their travels together for eternity.